Q&A: Do you ask or tell your toddler what to do?

Anne edited the following
Question: Do you ask or tell your toddler what to do?

I have learned that with my 17 month old I cannot ask her to do things because she won’t. So I began telling her what to do and she listens much better and then I say “thank you”. She does pretty well with this and it has worked well for us because she says “thank you” a lot now and listens much better than before.

Just wanted to know if this is what most parents do because it seems like I am so demanding when I say “give that to me” instead of “can I have that?”. Following it up with “thank you” softens it up a bit, but I never thought I would be the type of parent to boss my kids around like that!

Maybe over time when she gets older I can start asking instead of demanding? What is your experience with this?

The following is the answer:

Answer by ~*Mama-of-Two*~
At that age the child’s favorite word is ‘NO!’. So if you ask a question thats usually what you’ll get back. Telling them what you want is alot less confusing. I dont think parents should scream or boss their kids around all the time but stating something as a sentence is much better than questioning.

Answer by Vasara
My 16 months old responds better when I TELL her what to do as well. I will say “bring that to me” or “put this away” and she loves the praise when she does what she is told. I will ask her things like “can I have a kiss?” or “will you share with me?” Its weird but somehow I think she understands that the question means she has the option to chose either yes or no.

I think you are right when you say that when they get older we can do more asking instead of demanding. Maybe by 2 or 2 1/2 they will understand that they will get the “thank you” and praise even if they are asked and do right instead of just being told.

Answer by kidlet_animal_luv
I’m glad she says ‘thank you” for her age. That’s a bonus.

Can I implies am I able where as may I is asking permission.

You can’t give into their demands. Who is the parent, you are your child.

Answer by mommy=]
my daughter is 15 months and its the same way i hate being so demanding but if you’re not they don’t listen.so don’t feel bad it’s just they are at that age where they are testing you and if you don’t let her test you things will be good.

Answer by elle
my 3 yr old is the same way, when I ask her to do stuff, its always followed with a NO. When I tell her to do something it always gets better results. Its different though. I can ask her to do something for me, like turn the light on or the fan off. ” Halley, will you turn the fan on?” and she’ll say “uh huh” all sweet and love to help, but if I say “Halley will you please put your shoes on” I get a “Noooo” So I have to be stern when asking her to do things of that nature.

Answer by airliexo
I really like that you follow with thank you. Maybe instead of saying “Can you please give me that?” You can just say “Please give me that”. Followed with “Thank you”.

Answer by forever love
I tell, but make it sound like I am asking politely. I will tell Blake “go put your hot wheels away, please.” I always say the please at the end. The funny thing is I now do this with my husband too and he’s always telling me that just because I say please doesn’t mean I am asking. I have found even when doing daycare that kids respond better when the direction is given first.

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