How should I respond when very young children ask my toddler daughters (and me!) why we are black?
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Q&A: How should I respond when very young children ask my toddler daughters (and me!) why we are black?
I have three daughters (ages 1, 2, and 3) and we live in a predominately white community. Lately, my oldest daughter’s preschool and dance class peers have been asking, “Why are you so black”? Then they ask me the same thing. I’m so irritated that in the year 2007 parents are still not teaching their children about diversity. I don’t know how to respond, partly because I’m annoyed and I don’t feel like giving mini-diversity or -religion lessons everywhere we go. Any suggestions?
Q&A:
Answer by Sheila
respond “God made people all different colors” short and simple.
Answer by sarge927
Maybe you could say “God likes variety.”
Answer by kurosakiichigo1989
talk to the parents or the school and tell them to teach children about diversity
Answer by no one
Just say because we’re special. You can change the words up. Unique. Individual. Chosen. Whatever. Make it something good.
Answer by Monterey
I think I would keep it simple. If it were me, I would tell them, that God made us that way, special just like all colors of His children.
Answer by kelly a
Just smile and tell them that god made u that way. then please tell their mom or dads that these are hurtful questions and that they should explain color to them because god created all color and that is why u are african american and that is why they are white and that is why we have indians and muslims and arabians, and all the other…god bless u and i hope i didnt offend u…
Answer by Absolut Martini
LOL…you’re irritated that in the year 2007 parents are still not teaching their children about diversity…but you don’t feel like giving mini-diversity lessons to your own kids. Tolerance begins at home.
Your children should respond like Sheila said…God made everyone different…that’s it…nothing difficult.
Answer by justme
“People are different, I’m black, just like you are white. ” I say it’s ignorance on the parents fault! 
Take care!
Answer by cookiesmom
just tell them god gave you a little more color…no need to be rude after all they are only innocent children and they are curious….it is not necessarily the fault of the parents either….i never thought anything of it so i never felt i needed to approach this subject with mine when they were that age…as a matter of fact i moved to england at the age of 6 weeks and learned to walk and talk there and never saw a black person closely until we were at the airport to come back to the states when i was 5….we moved to a predominantly black apartment building in maryland (as a matter of fact, we were the only white family)….i referred to my playmates as my little brown friends – i knew we were different but it was of no consequence…..i never heard the “n” word until then when i was on the playground and had to ask my mom what that was…i have never used it nor have my children but again i only asked in innocence so i kind of understand….feel no need to give lessons or lectures you are who you are and dont have to expain nor defend it – good luck
Answer by Meghan H
I would suggest something simple like “because God made me that way,” or “because my parents are too.” If you want you can even ask them a question back like, “Why do you have freckles?”
Please don’t assume that nobody is teaching these kids about diversity. They may not have made the connection between what they were told and the real people in their lives. When they ask you questions about yourself, they are showing interest in you and what they think makes you special.
What do you think? Answer below!
Just say that “Everyone is special and different in his or her own way.” If they still ask, talk to their parents and ask them to teach them about diversity becuase it is getting annoying them asking why you and your daughters are black. It is 2007 and I’d like to think people would make a move to stop being rascit.
Ask them “why are you so white?”
Because that’s how I was made. Plain and simple. Let your kids respond however they want to. I am white and grew up in a predominantly white community. My parents respect diversity and have always taught us that everyone is the same on the inside. However, the first time my younger brother met a black man, he asked my mom three hours later why that man from before had a chocolate face. We knew black people existed, but until you are face to face with someone different from yourself, you don’t really think it exists when you’re three years old. Don’t get frustrated and upset–parents do teach their kids about diversity, but kids have minds of their own! Just say, “that’s how I was made” and leave it at that. The answer should suffice.
You could say “No two people are alike unless they’re twins”.
I do feel for you. My first child was born in Salt Lake, which is a VERY white place. He was 20 months old before he saw a black man up close, at an oil change place. He walked up and pointed and said “WHAT is that?” I was HORRIFIED, but before I could respond he said very kindly: “I am an ebony jewel on a white sandy beach-a true rarity in this part of the world”. I then apologized and he said he faced it just about every day there. My son, of course, did not understand the reply but was still satisfied. (or maybe he was just confused lol). Maybe you would want to say something similar. Not a mini lecture but wise words all the same!
I also agree with Mal above. In Houston we would talk about snow and ice every winter, but until those kids SAW IT they just didn’t get it! It’s just how kid’s minds work.
Sounds like those 3-year-olds don’t get out much….
But try not to be annoyed — do remember that little kids are just truly seeking information about what they don’t know. They’ll also ask why someone has freckles or red hair or is very tall or fat or thin or has glasses or a wheelchair or dangly earrings or anything that’s not in their personal experience. Of course parents should be teaching about diversity, but very little kids just may not have gotten it yet. Let the preschool teacher know that they should get some books/dolls, etc. with multicultural themes since these kids seem so insulated in their own homogeneous community. In the meantime, just answer the kids’ questions — a simple “different people have different color skin and this is the color I was born with” should suffice.
My son is nearly 3 and I haven’t talked to him about diversity, but he goes to preschool with kids who are black, Indian, Asian, Mexican, Jewish and other ethnicities. I figure he has a lifetime to be aware of racial issues – for now, he just accepts that people come in different packages.
If a toddler who perhaps hasn’t been exposed to such diversity asks you why you are darker, remember they are lucky enough to be free of prejudice at that age. Embrace the question – you don’t have to give a mini-diversity speech. Hold out your arm and let them see how cool it is that skin comes in such a variety of colors.
Well I wouldn’t be too surprised and/or irratated that a 3 yr old is noticing differences in skin color. They are probably just curious. They don’t really have diversity classes/politically correct classes for toddlers. This is also one of these issues that parents tend to not discuss untill they feel a need to, ie. the child expresses curiosity. If these children lived in a more diverse area, they naturally wouldn’t notice. Since they live in an area that is almost all white, they are going to notice and ask questions, that is the nature of children. Where I live, it is very diverse and the kids never even notice. I’m sure that you can imagine that if the roles where reversed (you had the only white children in an all african american area) you would obviously still get the same question. I wouldn’t perceive such an innocent inquiry as an insult. I have very curly hair, and kids always ask, “Why is your hair SO curly?” . . . sometimes, just to make them think I say, “well, why is your hair so straight?” . . . Maybe you could say, “why are you so white?” Or “people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, isn’t it a beautiful thing? Would you be happy if the only flavor of ice cream was vanilla?”
Why is this something that irritates you? Children are innocent and ask all kinds of questions. My daughter went to a daycare from a very early age with many different races and colors, so she learned that people are people. I thought that was better than drawing attention to and pointing out people’s differences. I wanted her to judge people based on who they were rather than what color their skin is. Up until about a year ago, she thought “black” people were people who wear black clothing. Maybe I’m wrong, but I just thought that her accepting people for who they are was much more important than pointing out that someone is different than her because of skin color.
tell them,because thats whay color god created you to be, dont feel bad, i’m a white mother and have 2 beautiful mixed children, here is what my 5 year old says to me i wish i was white and she attends a diverse daycare and the church we go to, explain that one.
I can’t believe that white children are asking this question in this day and age, unless they are being funny. The world is pretty much used to Black Americans by now. However, if it’s happening to your child, speak to the dance teacher and the preschool teacher; and have them contact the parents. If these children ask you the same thing (which I cannot imagine them doing), tell them to talk to the teacher as well. If the behavior continues, talk to the principal. No one is asking you to give any lessons, or say anything else to these children. As a responsible parent, give the school a chance to handle this first.
When you live in a predominately white community, you can expect some resistance. Doesn’t mean it’s fair, but it happens. Most people just want to live in peace. Still, there are some who hold on to the old traditions. All it takes is one child to influence others, which is why you must deal with this in the proper manner. Let the school handle it.
It is rude when kids asks questions like that, but they don’t always understand that it is rude to be asking. .My son (4)asked someone in a wheelchair why they weren’t walking like everyone else. And I was super embarrassed because it wasn’t that I wasn’t teaching my child, he just doesn’t listen to me. Anyway….the person came back to my son with “Because God made me just the way he wanted me. I am special cause I get to drive this everywhere and my feet don’t get tired.” Then the older man continued to ask my son, why he had freckles on his nose and when my son said he didn’t know the man told him that God put those freckles there one at a time and told my son that he was special cause he had them.”
Not only does my son not ask people questions like that anymore, cause he just says that is the way God made them, but whenever someone else asks him about his freckles he said that God put them there one at time, and that he was special cause he had them.
So that is my advice, I know that God is not “allowed” in so many places these days, and I know that you didn’t want a religion lesson to give but I hope this answer can help you. It is simple and you or your daughters can say it, and go on your way. The best thing that you can do is teach your daughters right from wrong and tell them that no matter how hard you try, what color you are, there are always going to be rude, angry people who don’t have manners.
When my daughter asked me one day why a little girl was so brown I told her it was because God wanted to make everyone a little different. Just like she has blonde hair and her sister has brown. We taught our children that people are people no matter what they look like.
I don’t blame you at all for being irritated and upset. Are your daughters feeling the same or are they just accepting the question as childhood curiosity? That’s the big question!
I can understand how you don’t feel the need to be the teacher in every situation as well. So I agree with other answers that short & sweet is most likely the best answer if you feel you need to respond at all. Otherwise, you’ll put yourself in the role of teaching the lesson…which might not be a bad thing after all…
So I vote for something along the lines of:
Because God made us all unique and special!
Most of all- just continue to talk to your daughters about being proud of who they are inside and out! That way they won’t even care if somebody asks such a silly question because their self esteem will be so high it won’t matter.
And ask them how they’d like to respond- they may come up with the best answer of all!!
Try to remember that kids will say whatever is on their minds. Out of the mouths of babes… We teach our children that God made people different shades of color to make the world more interesting. How boring would it be if everyone looked the same way? And my kids will ask why someone is very very dark while others are very light. Try not to get peeved and just answer however you see fit. Remember that we need to teach our children about diversity and sometimes we need to teach other children too because they have not been taught.
The kids are just trying to learn – just say “there are lots of people of different colors all over the world”, “God made us all different colors, isn’t that cool?”
this is what I do… may not work for anyone, but seems to connect w/ my daughter…
I’m hispanic – Puerto Rican to be exact, my husband is white- last name is Polish….. our extended family looks like a snapshot of a United Nations meeting!!!
Anytime my daughter asks a question about it, I just say that everyone is different. We look different (size color shape), we talk different (in our family there are several languages too), and we live differently. We use the word “culture” to make distinctions.
**Like Grandma’s culture is looking brown, speaking Spanish, dancing to salsa music, and eating rice and beans. (the Catholic Puerto Rican city grandmother)
**Nana’s culture is having red hair and freckles, never wearing pants, eating pot roast, and having chickens in her backyard (the Pentecostal, Arkansas country grandmother)
I think I have the luxury of diversity in my own family, so I hope that talking about how we love our grandmothers, aunts, uncles, & cousins equally AND that they’re different from each other will help her grow into a well rounded open minded human
as for the why???s w/ the classmates…. well, just tell them that God decided everyone should look differently because it would be more fun… just like he made different types of fruit to eat for fun… it would be boring to just have apples all the time, it’s nice to have grapes, bananas, peaches and such! If they don’t know who God is, then tell them they need to talk to their parents. and I don’t mean God ONLY in the Christianity sense… each religion has a “creator”…
I think the biggest problem is that people don’t talk to their kids about it…. they seem to think that by not discussing it kids will just accept… as if the only idea that will pop into a kids head is if something negative is said to them… if you don’t say anything positive, then how will they know either way.
again w/ a food analogy… if a kid is never spoken to about broccoli and faced w/ it, they wont’ want it, think it’s wierd, maybe even bad – will claim to not like it automatically – it’s a fear of the unknown more than a dislike. We have to speak positively about things we want our kids to think of positively – even if it is a touchy subject.
I would just say, “the same reason you are so white” or whatever color they are, so the world will be more colorful/beautiful.
I agree it is a parents job to teach kids about diversity, but there will always be people like that no matter what.
But not everyone is like that, I am white and we live in a predominantly white/Hispanic area and my kids do know about diversity and they are 6 and 8 and have known for a long time.